I haven’t written for awhile. Well, I have tried to write but nothing seemed “good” enough to post. I have been experiencing a lot of self-doubt lately, wondering why I am doing this and who wants to read my words. I feel that if I don’t post something so amazing and life-changing that it isn’t worth posting at all. My perfectionism and all-or-nothing thinking won again. But, I want to reclaim this blog. Kick my perfectionist habits, or at least continually practice doing so, by thinking less and doing more. Instead of carefully writing and re-writing, and then scrapping blog posts because I think they are not good enough, I am just going to write whatever is on my mind directly into the browser (not a word document as I did beforehand). I’m hoping this will give me that push to just hit publish and not worry about creating the most “perfect” post.
This may mean that in these new posts, my thoughts may not be as conclusive or organized, but what in life is? As I stated earlier, this blog isn’t a facade. It is meant to be raw and imperfect, because that is what unites us and forms that foundation of empathy and support. I have never really felt like I fit in, and I feel like it is because we are afraid to be our authentic selves. I have put on many masks at various times in my life in the hopes of earning that sense of belonging. Maybe everyone else is doing that too. I’ve felt like I had to always be “on”, that my life was a performance, rather than a continual practice.
Well, now I am shifting to the concept of my life as a practice, and by changing my mind-frame, hopefully I will give myself permission to be imperfect. I want to allow myself to just do, make mistakes, and learn from those mistakes, rather than not doing at all because I am afraid of failing. I have held myself back from so much in life in the hopes to maintain my “perfect” performance. And I don’t want to do that any longer.